Faith or Fear?

Felt a twinge of heat in my left breast last night. I don't want to become the paranoid type of person who starts at every sound or is constantly obsessing about the possibility of being seriously ill. But, somewhere within me, I have this awareness that I'm hosting a lump .9cm x .5cm which doesn't really belong in my breast. It's benign and I'm an optimistic person so it doesn't really bother me, but on a realistic note, the fact that the doctors want another ultrasound in February keeps me from being totally comfortable. I don't think about it much but it reminds me once in a while that it's there, that it's established residence and will remain until it's cut out and removed.

This has made me think about having faith and being brave. Does crying when you're worried mean that you're not brave? Or even that you don't have faith? There were a few days when all I did was worry about the lump and what it meant. Someone told me to have faith because God wouldn't let anything bad happen. This is something I thought about; a lot. For me, faith is not the certainty that bad things do not happen; it's the certainty that no matter what happens, I come to it because God brought me to it. And if he brings me to it, then no matter what it is, he'll guide me through it.

The operative word here is 'guide'. He shows the way, and it's up to you to follow it. Sometimes, when I've made a mess of a situation, for instance, I wonder why I did it. Was there something I could have done to have saved the situation? Of course, there was. I could have been kinder, less nasty, more balanced and so on. In hindsight, of course, I know this. And I realise that just as the fear of the lump had overwhelmed faith for a few days, sometimes, I let arrogance instead of kindness rule my actions.