last night I felt
your voicedeep dark brown
cream flowing into mevelvet smooth
chocolate soundfall
talking to you is like sex sometimes.
Edit: first draft of the same poem.
Do you know I can touch your voice?
Velvet smooth deep dark brown
Cream covers me.
Chocolate soundfall.
Talking to you is like sex sometimes.
21 comments:
just an on going thought to add here:
"And alas!!!
My goodness...
I could never..
Never gather the guts
To talk to you
When u really give a call
Do i still breath....
Breath while the phone rings on your call!!"
O! You certainly have a way with extended metaphors... especially when it comes to sensual poetry.
Like it! Especially the chocolate soundfall bit :)
And I always asked women..that Is it tru that choclate turns them on..and why...
I see a confirmation..
Y..may I ask?
@jim
:-) Yeah I liked it too. I thought it conveyed the feeling of being lost in the sensuousness of the speaker's voice. Tell me something, does this make you think that the subject of the conversation was sex, by any chance? Because that wasn't the idea. But reading it through now, i wonder.
And I just can't make up my mind whether I want to include a section on sensual poetry in the book or just do one separate anthology for the sensual poems. Any suggestions?
What about the new job? When do you join?
@mind
:-)Simple. Get yourself some chocolate creams. Sit down and eat them slowly, savouring each moment. Feel the chocolate, it's taste, it's texture, it melting on your tongue and THEN think about why chocolate turns women on (And some men too)
Enjoyyy!!!
@anon
If you're who I think you are :-) :-) :-)
nice....and why the edit?
and honestly I didnt feel like the topic was sex....but u have used the idea of sex wonderfuly to explain how powerful this convo would have been.
"touch ur voice"...nice...and sometimes it sure feels like we can thuch the voise, dosent it? :-)
@mac
Well, I'd written the 'touch your voice' version first. Then I re-wrote it with 'felt your voice'. Thinking about it, seems to me that 'touch' is so much more powerful than 'felt'. Just thought I'd put them both on the post, although if I have to choose one, I'd choose the 'touch' one.
@mac
Yeah, sometimes, you really can 'touch the voice'. How on earth something as disembodied as a voice over a phone can affect one so powerfully I haven't figured out. But then, it's not as if it happens with every voice, so I guess it's the emotional connect showing up. And yeah, it was the power of the emotional connect that i was trying to convey with the use of the word 'sex'.
You write beautifully(stupid inane comment, but all i could come up with)
@hillgrandmom
:-) i think it's a lovely comment, not stupid or inane at all. Thanks.
@ 3inOne: No, it did not make me think that the subject of the conversation was sex. For all I know, it may have been about the weather - but for the listener, it provided an erotic arousal of the extreme kind. Almost as if the voice had assumed a shape in itself and - well, ahem - do kids get to read my comment?
No, but seriously, that was what I thought.
I think you should include a section of sensual poetry into your book. Don't ask me why, mebbe I don't know :D
Am joining on the sixth. As senior sub - Hee! One rung up the ladder already!
I like 'touch' much better. otherwise, i like the second draft more (i mean the one that appears first).
i agree wit mac. i dont think the subject of the conversation needs to be sex.
sensual poetry like this one sure needs to be showcased.
there, i too give my stupid, inane opinion
@Jim
Ouch, I hope kids don't read the blog, not just the comments.
All the best for the new job.
@rama
:-) Isn't it lucky that I love stupid inane opinions? Thanks a lot. While I've always loved writing, it's only very recently that I've become brave enough to let anyone see the stuff I write. So, just the fact that there are people who read it and like some of it at least, well,it means a lot.
:-) its been the other way round for me. i started writing for other people (reporting), and realised i love writing. one of the few things i do like, i think. it has made me like myself.
when i started blogging, i didnt quite realise what a bliss it is to write for yourself
@rama,
Oh, I decided not to go in for journalism or copy writing because I knew I wouldn't ever be a success at writing something I was supposed to write. I have tremendous respect for those professions because it must be really difficult to write to order. What do you do when you are faced with writer's block? Or when you just don't like the topic you are faced with? And how, oh how, do you manage to handle all those press conferences and press releases?
I write for my pleasure. Just never got to the point where I let anyone else read what I wrote, until now. And now, it suddenly dawns on me that maybe I should have thought of it earlier :-)
your thoughts gave a base line to start blogging :-)
sometimes i wish there could be a block, to stem the flow of words that simply pour out :)
if my heart isnt in what i am supposed to write u will see the difference (that goes for all 'made to order' stuff and press conferences).
but as i said writing for myself is the best thing that has happened to me. and it is weird that other people can comprehend my thoughts ;-)
@sumeet
:-) heeee! I thought that comment was left by a lurker friend of mine and ooooh, now have I made a fool of myself with an email I've sent him.
But, glad I inspired a post on your blog.
Do drop by often.
@rama
yeah can understand that. I was so amazed when I started getting comments :-)
@rohan
As someone very much wiser than me once said:
"Sex relieves tension - love causes it." ~Woody Allen
".....like sex sometimes"
like
your smell
lingering in the breeze
long after
you left my bed
your words
wet, warm and sticky
slowly dries
bridging
the clefts in my mind
absolutely loved it! you are so blogrolled by me :D
thanks for your comment :)
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