18 Bottles of Whiskey

This is an old one, I know. But I just re-read it and couldn't help laughing so I decided to post it.

I had eighteen bottles of whiskey in my cellar and was told by my wife to empty the contents of each and every bottle down the sink, or else... I said I would and proceeded with the unpleasant task. I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink with the exception of one glass, which I drank. I then withdrew the cork from the second bottle and did likewise with it, with the exception of one glass, which I drank. I then withdrew the cork from the third bottle and poured the whiskey down the sink which I drank. I pulled the cork from the fourth bottle down the sink and poured the bottle down the glass, which I drank. I pulled the bottle from the cork of the next and drank one sink out of it, and threw the rest down the glass. I pulled the sink out of the next glass and poured the cork down the bottle. Then I corked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink and drank the pour. When I had everything emptied, I steadied the house with one hand, counted the glasses, corks, bottles, and sinks with the other, which were twenty-nine, and as the houses came by I counted them again, and finally I had all the houses in one bottle, which I drank. I'm not under tha affluence of incohol as some tinkle peep I am. I'm not half as thunk as you might drink. I fool so feelish I don't know who is me, and the drunker I stand here, the longer I get.

More about me

A friend of mine just sent me this. I thought it would make for an interesting tag.
So here goes.
1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Yes. My maternal grandmother.
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? Monday. When I wished the unthinkable and hated myself for wishing it.
3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Yes.
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE LUNCH MEAT? Anything as long as it's meat.
5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? No.
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? I'm already 3 people. And all of us like one another.
7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? Me?
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Yes.
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? After I have my tonsils out.
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE CEREAL? Oats.
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Mostly.
12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Hmmm. No.
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE ICE CREAM? Vanilla.
14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? Whether their eyes smile.
15. RED OR PINK? Red.
16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVOURITE THING YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF? My commitment phobia.
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST ? My parents.
18. WHAT COLOUR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Black and Black.
19. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? Fruit. No junk food for me. Ha ha!
22. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? Blessed silence.
23. IF YOU WHERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOUR WOULD YOU BE? Orange.
24. FAVOURITE SMELLS? Morning coffee, a cake fresh from the oven, jasmine on the night air and crushed mint leaves.
25. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? The restaurant on the ground floor. Just ordered dinner. (Fruit, of course.)
26. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? Yes.
27. FAVOURITE SPORTS TO WATCH? Nothing? Tennis, actually.
28. HAIR COLOUR? I started out with black.
29. EYE COLOUR? Dark brown.
30. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? No.
31. FAVOURITE FOOD? Rice and curd with fried sardines.
32. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Happy endings.
33. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Quantum of Solace.
34. WHAT COLOUR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? Mustard yellow.
35. SUMMER OR WINTER? Summers! And rain in Kerala.
36. FAVOURITE DESSERT? Vanilla ice cream. Tiramisu too.
37. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND ? Hmmm...
38. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? The Motorcycle Diaries.
39. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? It's plain grey.
40. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON T.V. LAST NIGHT? Nothing. Got home at 1am and collapsed into bed.
41. FAVOURITE SOUND? The sound of rain at night.
42. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Beatles.
43. WHAT IS THE FURTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? Hobart, Australia.
44. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? Yeah. For cooking without recipes.
45. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Cochin, Kerala, India.

I’m tagging mac, rama, jim, flowergirl, dotm and hgm.

Of tattoos and men

Episode 1
A couple of weeks ago.
Me. Laughing. Some people I was meeting for the first time.
Nice people. Also laughing.
Nice evening.
Suddenly, one of the nice people decides that I must see his tattoo.
No, I didn't ask to see it. No, the subject was not tattoos. Or even gorgeous arms.
No, I have no idea what made him suddenly decide that I needed to see his tattoo.
He just did.
The next thing I know, off comes his rust coloured polo neck sweater, up rolls the T-shirt sleeve and I am faced with a really cool tattoo of a fire horse on a really gorgeous bicep.
Well, let me just say I liked them both.

Episode 2
About a week later.
Me. Laughing. Again.
Some more people I was meeting for the first time.
Nice people. Again.
Lot of laughter, kidding and camaraderie. All around.
Me too.
And then, would you believe it, there's a repeat performance.
Same modus operandi. Different guy. Different sweater. Different tattoo.
Deep blue polo sweater. Bike tattoo.
Nice tattoo. Nice bicep. I liked them both. Again.


Episode 3
Tonight.
Me. Yes you got it. Laughing. As usual.
Another set of new people.
At some point, I relate to them how I have been viewing tattoos.
Everyone laughs.
Turns out my host has a collection of tattoos.
Nice ones.
On one upper arm, there's a wolf against the full moon.
On the other, there's the eye of Amun-Ra.
On his knuckles, there are the Chinese characters for Earth, Wind, Fire and Water.
And on his forearm, a koi fish.
Okay, in this case, I got to see tattoos because the subject of the conversation was tattoos.

But I tell you, I've never seen a tattoo up close till now, and then here I am, every time I meet a new group of people, I also get to meet one or more tattoos. And now I'm wondering, hoping really, when/that I'm going to come across a tattoo that's not on an arm.

As you can see, I'm beginning to like Bangalore more and more.

Which came first?

The Chicken or the Egg?

So this Egg and this Chicken are going at it pretty fast and furious in bed and suddenly the chicken groans, rolls over and lights up a ciggy, looking very content.

The egg rolls to the other side and says "Well, that answers that question".

(Inspired by a post with the same name, but very different content on Hari's blog, I remembered an old but favourite joke.)

Just for fun

Here's something that came in today's mail and intrigued me. Try it out.

Answers are for who you are now...... not who you were in the past.

Have pen or pencil and paper ready. This is a real test given by the Human Relations Dept. at many of the major corporations today. It helps them get better insight concerning their employees and prospective employees. (Okay, I don't know about this, but it is quite interesting)

It's only 10 simple questions, so...... grab a pencil and paper, keeping track of your answers. Refer the scoring grid.Total the points for all the answers and you have your score.

I'm a 48, how about you?

The interpretation of the scores is in the post below this one.

Ready??

Begin...

1. When do you feel your best?

a) in the morning

b) during the afternoon & and early evening

c) late at night

2. You usually walk...

a) fairly fast, with long steps

b) fairly fast, with little steps

c) less fast head up, looking the world in the face

d) less fast, head down

e) very slowly

3. When talking to people you...

a) stand with your arms folded

b) have your hands clasped

c) have one or both your hands on your hips

d) touch or push the person to whom you are talking

e) play with your ear, touch your chin, or smooth your hair

4. When relaxing, you sit with...

a) your knees bent with your legs neatly side by side

b) your legs crossed

c) your legs stretched out or straight

d) one leg curled under you

5. When something really amuses you, you react with...

a) a big, appreciative laugh

b) a laugh, but not a loud one

c) a quiet chuckle

d) a sheepish smile

6. When you go to a party or social gathering you...

a) make a loud entrance so everyone notices you

b) make a quiet entrance, looking around for someone you know

c) make the quietest entrance, trying to stay unnoticed

7. You're working very hard, concentrating hard, and you're interrupted, do you...

a) welcome the break

b) feel extremely irritated

c) vary between these two extremes

8. Which of the following colors do you like most?

a) Red or orange

b) black

c) yellow or light blue

d) green

e) dark blue or purple

f) white

g) brown or gray

9. When you are in bed at night, in those last few moments before going to sleep, you lie...

a) stretched out on your back

b) stretched out face down on your stomach

c) on your side, slightly curled

d) with your head on one arm

e) with your head under the covers

10. You often dream that you are...
a) falling
b) fighting or struggling
c) searching for something or somebody
d) flying or floating
e) you usually have dreamless sleep
f) your dreams are always pleasant

THIS IS STRICTLY FOR FUN!!!!

Answers for fun

And here is the interpretation. Leave your score as a comment if you want the rest of us to know it...

OVER 60 POINTS: Others see you as someone they should "handle with care". You're seen as vain, self-centered, and who is extremely dominant. Others may admire you, wishing they could be more like you, but don't always trust you, hesitating to become too deeply involved with you.
51 TO 60 POINTS: Others see you as an exciting, highly volatile, rather impulsive personality; a natural leader, who's quick to make decisions, though not always the right ones. They see you as bold and adventuresome, someone who will try anything once; someone who takes chances and enjoys an adventure. They enjoy being in your company because of the excitement you radiate.
41 TO 50 POINTS : Others see you as fresh, lively, charming, amusing, practical, and always interesting; someone who's constantly in the center of attention, but sufficiently well-balanced not to let it go to their head. They also see you as kind, considerate, and understanding; someone who'll always cheer them up and help them out.
31 TO 40 POINTS : Others see you as sensible, cautious, careful & practical. They see you as clever, gifted, or talented, but modest. Not a person who makes friends too quickly or easily, but someone who's extremely loyal to friends you do make and who expect the same loyalty in return. Those who really get to know you realize it takes a lot to shake your trust in your friends, but equally that it takes you a long time to get over it if that trust is ever broken.
21 TO 30 POINTS: Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy. They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder. It would really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment, expecting you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then, usually decide against it. They think this reaction is caused partly by your careful nature.
UNDER 21 POINTS: People think you are shy, nervous, and indecisive, someone who needs looking after, who always wants someone else to make the decisions & who doesn't want to get involved with anyone or anything. They see you as a worrier who always sees problems that don't exist. Some people think you're boring. Only those who know you well know that you aren't.

P.S. Please remember this is what people think of you. Not what you are. I, for instance, am in reality a cheapo who puts up tedious quizzes. (I have this on the best authority)